Okay well I'm not really in the mood for an in depth post.
I will be gong to Ros Parents for Christmas and spending 7 days away from home which concludes with going to Liverpool for new years !
My Aunt very sweetly has agreed to keep an eye on the chillas and care for them whilst I'm away! else I would have stayed behind to care for them!

Today is a very sad day for me and I'm sure it always will be! the pain gets easier to manage as the years go by but its still there as strong as ever.
I think about you ever day and I'm so sorry I never got the chance to meet you and that you never got the chance to giggle or smile or to enjoy the wonderful things that this world has to offer. But I'm pleased you never have to suffer the terrible things this world also has, the suffering that many people, many small people just like you go through everyday and never know true happiness! I'm forever grateful that you will never know that pain.
But that doesn't stop me missing you every single day that we do not spend together. I hope your safe and happy were ever you may be and I know in my heart that one day we will meet. Until that day...I love you....

Well I'm going to carry on aimlessly doing things in the hope to keep my mind occupied and stop me from getting all crazy upset having just started to get over the depprestion I really dont want to topple back over the edge again.

Ro playing with wilfie (my aunts puppy)
And a scary dinasur at the natural history museum in London!there just random videos as I was testing out my YOUTUBE acount I will put the ones I intended to show as soon as ive found my other camera memory card!Peace and love to the turkeys! (think of the turkeys in this dificult turkey time!)

Weekend catch up

Right well! here we are another week starting!
And only 14 days till Christmas :S were has the time gone!
I can't deny that I'm excited about Christmas it is a really wonderful time of year especially when all your wrapping and buying is done and all you need to do is make some mince pies on Christmas eve and buy 6 (AA) batteries !
I'm sorry that sounds terribly smarmy! :S I do still need to write loads of cards and get some decent photos of the festivity of our home!
Rowans promised to take me driving around were his Mum lives on Christmas day night so we can see all the pweety lights! and I cant wait I feel like a little kid!
I also cant wait to see the faces of my family when they open there gifts I only wish I could see what My little brother and sister think of there's but they will be back home by Christmas day :( I just hope they have a wonderful day regardless!
On the heating front the plumber told my Nan it was going to cost at least £2220 so my Nan said she wants to check a few other companies first just to make sure she is getting a good offer and to make sure they aren't cowboys!!! (to much "nightmare" t.v I think!) anyway at least we are getting nearer to having a heated house!
I also now have a completed and alright c.v so I can start to find a nursery that will have me for £80 a week!
Oh and Ro gave me a huge huge Christmas card :D It was so sweet! (last year my best friend of the time had to take him out and made him buy me one because he wasn't going to and she wasn't having that!!!)
Oh and Ive just come across a blog! I absolutely love! I have read Rsm's blog for a little while now and find it highly entertaining ! and from her blog I have now found troll-baby which is just about the greatest! together they make things just that bit more bearable! with there funny little anecdotes and heartwarming stories !
well I suppose that just about rounds things off for today!
peace and love to the turkeys!!!

The view today! same trees and sky in August!
Okay well I got the apprenticeship!!! yaay wooo! and as long as I find a placement by the 21st of February then there are no problems!!! I'm so thrilled I really am!

I will work Mondays-Thursday probably 8-6 and then I have a day release for the Friday so I can do the nvq and key skill work and other such things.

I will get 20 days holiday and £80.00 a week wages

I will have to work 5 days a week over the summer "holiday" :P and half terms are up to the placement

I had to get up at 5.55 and I have to say now it was the hardest thing ! omg it was so cold and I'm terrible if I don't get enough sleep I feel sick and have a headache and tend to fall over a lot and bump in to stuff lol:P

But it was the easiest was to get to the town centre if I got a lift with my nan it did mean id be there two hours early but I got to sit in the restaurant and drink hot choc and read some info on nursery work that might impress them and also read another few chapters of captain Corelli's mandolin.

The interview was about an hour and a half long as we were told stuff about the apprenticeship and then had to do two 20 min tests which were fairly easy and my results were fine so that's good :)

Anyway we also have the boiler man coming tonight... which to most people wont seem like to much... but to us it means...... HEATING!!! finally I just can't wait... to be honest non of us can its so nice to know we will have heating before it gets any colder which of course it wont do now we will be having heating :P

I brought the present yesterday for my secret Santa recipient and hopefully it will be here by Tuesday.. Oooooh and Ros last present FINALLY! made an appearance !!! thank goodness!

Rock on Holey Cords! (was an acident btw:P)

Yes! I rock a snoopy d/g... arent you green with envy:P

WHAT??!!?? (not everybody has a pile of coal in there back yard :O....) your so missing out :P

Well today I got a phone call from the people who I'm applying for an apprenticeship with to say I have an interview tomorrow at 9! I'm so nervous the next 15 months of my life rest on the outcome of tomorrow and I have never to date done an interview so that just adds to the stress.
I'm trying to get everything together and look up on things I guess they will want me to say,but lord alone knows if I'm anywhere near right! I suppose I will just have to wait and see but I've never been that patient!
anyway in other news :P today I find out who my secret Santa subject is ! ha ha ha more fool them :P but of course I wont be telling the Internet till after Xmas else well duh it wont be a secret!
well there will be more later bye bye!

Bra straps,burns and bed socks (How romantic :P)

Mmkay so here I am preparing a romantic meal for my dearest :P Ro!
And I thought why not get a little more "dressed" up than usual, so I did then I took a closer look at myself ....

And thought freaking classy! someone should really ban me from dressing myself! and cooking since that is how I achieved the burn... that really does look worse in real life !
Well I'm planning on taking some more pictures later to make up for the three appalling ones so far

must dash though Ive got a romantic meal to stop from burning :P


Well we are now done eating! lol looks like my aims for it to be long and romantic are not shared by other dinner guests :P (ie Rowan) but at least the food was yummy! and I did get some more pictures though Ro did threaten to sue me if I put them up but hey hes just turning American on me :P

Trippy tree! A rather demonic looking Ro!


Much less scary Ro :S I always photograph so bad!


Well at least Ro looks more relaxed in this though I still look terrible!

Oh and I dont actually have a double chin :s though I do look like I have around 50 :S yesh Its better when im behind the camera!

Woah its been so long since I ventured back to my little plot of web! how terribly cruel of me!
Okay well Ive been to see two very different films since I last wrote here, the weekend before last I went to see the latest James Bond instalment with Ro who was rather eager to see it! and I was dubious about to say the very least, I had not ever seen a Bond film as there really not my thing and to be quite honest the opportunity never really arose!
And I kinda wish I hadn't bothered with this one, if you enjoy Bond then Rowan says it does fill in the gaps but is lacking plot a bit, but all in all is a good film. I though it was crummy and fell asleep twice ..oops but hey at least it had two different Aston martins in it! and Aston Martins are the best car ever ever ever ! so that made it more bearable lol!
The the weekend just gone we went to see "flushed away" which both of us laughed a lot to and thought it was great! next on my list is saw 3 and the holiday!
Anyway I have spoken to the college campus leader and we have decided together (mainly him) that perhaps it is not in my best interest to carry on this year and should go for this apprenticeship he even promised to right me a shining statement so I can't really ask for much more than that. I am sad to no longer really belong anywhere but pleased to have things more sorted! and I do still pop in to see the guys so its quite nice really!
can't believe how near Christmas is getting! I'm actually starting to really look forward to seeing my siblings! and smelling the tree smell! but a little apprehensive about new year and going to Ros Mums for Christmas I really struggle to keep a hold of my emotions and I don't like the thought of it all getting out of hand there are going to be so many other people there its gonna be hard I still don't like being around huge amounts of people but there lovely people so fingers crossed!
oh and I wrapped all my nans presents that she had brought for everybody I even wrapped one for myself :S lol there is something not quite right about that!
anyway I suppose id better publish this ! and I will add some pics as soon as I can get some batteries for the camera!
this song totally rules btw I only found it today but Ive owned it for 2 years :S
Mysteries
God knows how I adore life
When the wind turns on the shores lies another day
I cannot ask for more
When the time bell blows my heart
And I have scored a better day
Well nobody made this war of mine
And the moments that I enjoy
A place of love and mystery
I'll be there anytime
Oh mysteries of love
Where war is no more
I'll be there anytime
When the time bell blows my heart
And I have scored a better day
Well nobody made this war of mine
And the moments that I enjoy
A place of love and mystery
I'll be there anytime
Mysteries of love
Where war is no more
I'll be there anytime

Its such a beautiful song and the music is really haunting ! not at all like what I usually listen to !

Mmkay well naughty me I havent bloged for days :P to be honest its not like I was greatly missed lol:P
Anyway Ro is currently at a family funeral and I really feel for him and his family and I give them my deepest sympathys! (((hugs)))
But well tbh as I encountered today life well and truely carries the f**k on regardless of what you are trying to do!
My chinchillas got lose and were running around downstairs so 6am I was rounding them back up they also nibbled my notepads! But at least they didnt get hurt and are safely back in there cage !
I got up to a few thing over the last few days such as watching some friends have holes made in there tounges and then little shiney things put through "arrrrr pwetty!"
And going to see the new bond film I hadn't ever seen any of the others and although it hasnt exactly inspired me to watch the others it wasnt bad for a sunday evernings entertainment!
despite having to wait over an hour before we could go in !
College have told me I have "declared " myself quit! though when I actually said these word is beyond me! but its alright I am allowed to keep going untill I am accepted on an apprentaship or on to a job! so thats sweet of them!
Though to be honnest a had better find a job asap as I cant stand living here much longer.... I know most people say they hate living at home when there young ... but really its suffocating Im not allowed to go to parties because im on prozac and my nan says I might not take it if im not at home and she doesnt trust me , and im not allowed away from the house for more than a day beacause of the chillas! so well Im considering my options shes hatted the chillas ever since I got them and thats bad enough but I could live with that its the other things I cant deal with the fact my life is constently a battle with her Im not even her daughter nor is she my leagal gardian so surely she should be thankful I ask her permmison at all!
okay so perhaps im acting slightly brattish its just hard when you actually live in it not to find the faults! she also wants the money back for the bus pass which means my first four wages will be spent on that ...yay! so tbh im just so pissed off when I look at what is going on for my friends I just want some of that normallity! driving lessons and tests and dating and parties and parents! really I cant hack this way of living anymore I mean we dont even have any fricking heating in this house!
we only did have central heating for one year then it died coz it was about 30 years old (no jokes) so yeh its just everything is so damn sucky! anyway I suppose I had better stop now else ill write till my fingers bleed! though tbh that seems appeling now... at least it would warm my hands the hell up!

My cards hee hee hee!

Okay do I have to remind anyone that there are no children in my house and there havent been for sometime and these infact (shamefully) belong to me and Ro !

Our santa sacks! The snowman one is santas (mine) to nan, the plain red one is santas(mine) to the chillas! and so is the hay tube the snowman one at the front is santas (ro and my nans) to me and the one behind that is santas(mine) to Ro!

There is also a whole bunch of non santa presents wraped and hidden in a box ha ha ha

Right well I need a bath so ill write more this everning (I also need to do a bit of tiding) ill add some pics of the chillas at play when I do come back!

Yay!
A family friend had baby #3 on the 16th and I'm so thrilled for them!
They had a little girl and I just can't wait to go and meet her!
Her brother and sister are two of the cutest kids I know! so its pretty certain that she willfollow in there footsteps!
Luckily they are all healthy and happy and all doing great which is brilliant!!
I had go to the Asthma nurse today and have to keep a peek flow diary for 2 weeks before she can decide if its asthma or just "a cold" ha ha ha id rather just take my chances that it isn't and not go back but there we go!
I also have to go back to the doctor in a month to see if it was a reaction to the medication (the pill) or something else that was making me unwell. so yeh that should be fun :S.
Also my Nans friend (the one I went to see about jobs and stuff) phoned me last night to say there is an apprentaship starting in late Feb that sounds just right! the interviews are going to be just before Christmas so ill see what I think, I'm going to still look around for other things just in case it isn't what I want to do but at least its a start and things are finally going in the right direction!

Well happy 10th post dear internet land :D

I have to go to see my phyciatrist soon so I can't stay long I just about have enough time to post a couple of pics and say OMG! Im totally a nerd!

I am totally starting to collect those cards!!! eeek you may remeber me mentioning before that I so love sci fi! and im really in to torchwood and dr who and starwars that kinda thing! well so is my younger brother and he has tons of these cards and I did think it was so sad but now I so want in! there like top trump cards which shamefully I also love! so yeh here goes ... here that....

Thats the last shred of my dignaty and street cred running of in to the distence to find a new owner **sobs** never mind... at least ill have the cards for company :P

My eye brows ick! also I look quite manly ha ha ha nevermind!

Chinnie chin chin !

Well to save poor little internet from the trama of seeing me half dressed I thought Id post the first Christmasy pictures! that is our (mine and Ro's) advent calender! and that is a Crunchie bite (yummy) left over hee hee hee

Me reading in the bath & My lucky monkey!!!

My rowie :P

Well I felt I had better blog so I don't get completely out of the habit even though to be quite honest I don't really know what to say!

I went out with my Nan from 10-1 on a Marathon shopping trip ( whilst at argos :P we bumped in to an ex friend of mines parents :S now that was arkward!) to get a new telephone some sand cerement and chinchilla Christmas presents as well as more Christmas decorations and most of the Christmas food and drink which meant going all over the place but at least its less to worry about over the next 33 days :P

Oh ha ha ha I received this e-mail mantra thing :S not really sure what it was but I had to answer four Questions and then Id get the answers at the end to say what my answers meant :P so obligingly I answered it:

Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference:

Sheep,Tiger,pig,horse and cow (was the order I chose)

Write one word to describe each of the following:

Dog-Lovable cat-demanding Rat-cute coffee-smelly The sea-Peaceful

Think of someone who you know,who also knows you,who is important to you which you can relate to the following colours

(don't repeat yourself)

Yellow-Elizabeth (my little sister)

orange-(no one I can think of is Orange!!)

red-Rowan (Boyfriend)

white-Robert (my little brother)

Green-My Nan

Number 1 defines your priorities in life!

so mine go

Love (sheep)

Pride (tiger)

money (pig)

Career (horse)

family(cow)

(I would like to think family and pride are the other way round but there we go!)

number 2

first one implies your own personality hee hee "Lovable"

Second one implies your partners personality "demanding"

third one implies your enemies personality "Cute" :S

fourth one implies how I interpret sex :S:S:S (oh dear) "smelly"

fifth my life "peaceful"

Number 3

Yellow- someone you will never forget

Orange-your true friend

Red- someone that you really love

white-your twin soul

Green-someone you will remember for the rest of your life (so like the same as yellow :S)

Okay so yeah I spent ages on that lol God knows why it did seem pointless but its rather amusing now!

It was one of a very Long list of e-mails I received from my dearest Ro's mother!!

Well my tonsils are pretty much better I still have a bit of a fever and don't quite feel right but nothing to complain about! so that is defiantly good for all concerned :P

Well I better go I need a drink (Bet your pleased I shared that with you!)

And my Mum,Bro and Sis will be phoning soon to talk to me (they are currently at a dr who quiz night!)
Also OMG!!! so dreamt about Jullian Rhind-Tutt Last night... (he said he liked my cooking but he already had a wife, but maybe we could have children instead and I could be his weekend wife!) lol so yeh he is my fantasy husband :P:P hee hee no I just used to really have a crush on him when green wing first started! and now I think he is kinda cool! lol but I wouldnt say no to his offer hee hee hee

My nans new Christmas catcti! the reason we needed a new phone :P the shiney new phone!

Well I'm finally starting to feel generally better, my left tonsil is still hurting really bad but I can just about cope with that because I was able to brush my teeth and eat today! two things that have mearly been a dream for the past week! icky I know!

Anyway me and Rowan slept in the lounge last night, not really sure why it just kinda happened I set up a huge!!! bed on the floor and then we just slept there it was pretty great actually!

seeing as there are only nets (cringe) in the lounge we woke up to a beautiful blue sky it was lovely!

Other than that my beautiful digital camera is starting to die on me! one of the memory cards has already died and the camera isn't performing as well. So I'm saving around £500 for a Nikon and hoping to get the rest for Birthday money as it is a BIG Birthday this year! and photography is becoming a Passion of mine! I will be doing Picture of the day from January the 1st! I felt that was the best time to start! so hopefully my camera can hang on till June!

Well so far nothing all that great has happened so far today other than My delightful chinchillas being the biggest pest's known to man! but hey there cute so they get away with it.

(Christmas Cactus) How the sky now looks from side and front of house! damn it!

My poor chucks :'(

Happy dry chucks ^^

My wet chucks and jeans :(

Okay.... what was it I said before I went " I love winter" or something equally as foolish!

The meeting thingy went great and I have plenty more ideas and avenues to venture down! so that is brilliant!

But I also got soaked through to the skin and blown around all over the place! and I feel dreadful I was starting to think that perhaps I was picking up even though my throat still hurts I was at least able to stay awake! but Now its looking like Ill be back to being ill over the weekend! oh the joy!

Anyway here is the list pathfinder gave me after asking me about 50 million questions!

Rating Jobs in this range have:

61-100 More of your likes than dislikes

41-60 About the same of each

0-40 More of your dislikes than likes

Job title Rating

Community worker 87

care assistant 86

nursery nurse 86

care assistant:Home 85

Police family liaison officer 85

Hospital play specialist 84

Nurse:health visitor 83

Counsellor 83

Nurse:learning disabilities 82

Nurse:Mental health 81

Occupational therapy assistant 81

Nanny 80

Nursery school teacher 80

Advise centre worker 80

Physiotherapy assistant 79

ambulance paramedic 78

tourist guide 76

entertainer 74

police officer 73

guide dog trainer/mobility instructor 73

Key :

What I really want to do

Don't mind doing

Don't particularly want to do

There we go then that about explains it ! also I'm applying for a course that can get me into that sort of thing and also looking about doing an apprenticeship as well as a course at the local Montessori teacher training centre! ill see what else I can find whilst surfing the net but if any of you out there can come up with ideas of how to get to chosen career ideas or any other similar careers I would be most grateful! thank you

Snuggley sheepy slippers Yay!

And pudsey bear! (Children in need today!)

Okay well today I'm going to see a family friend who works for a group that help people get a job or some qualifications and stuff, she usually works with ex drug addicts and alcoholics and people out of prisons and stuff like that. But since I really need the help and she can provide me with it I'm going to see her at 11.30 today so fingers crossed we get the ball rolling!
I was really looking forward to going.... until I got next to no sleep last night and ended up being awake from around 3-6.30 and then I eventually got to sleep again on the sofa! all because my freaking throat! arr!
Anyway so yeah that's made me a little less pleased about going today though I am really grateful!

Arr nose bleed that's so annoying! anyway I was going to talk about the interview I was listening to on the radio last night it was an interview with Seth mcfarlene the writer and Creator and voice of most of the people in Family guy and also American Dad, it was a really good interview and I'm so glad I heard about it I would have hated to have missed it since I am such a huge fan of his! the funny thing was though this was radio One and I listen to them a hell of a lot and well during his time on the air they played three Frank S. songs I mean dude! that's so not Radio one ! I have nothing against Frank S. but it was a little unexpected !!! lol. anyway I need to get on with my c.v so Ill add more on to this when I get back I will probably visit the Doctor too so ill fill you in when I'm back

My chinchillas! the other pic is a flower from my Garden, don't get me wrong I totally love winter, but I miss the pretty flowers!

Two posts in one day ! wooo calm down me :P

Okay, when people who do know me get round to reading this, try not to choke, have a heart attack,heart failer or anything fatal! when you see ive writen two posts on one day and I'm actually writing in my spare time for the fun of it ! woo, someones been slipping me something really they must have done!... or perhaps its mearly the fact that I'm ill and it takes my mind of the searing pain in my throat that make's me feel there is barbed wire around my tonsils!!! damn it.
Okay well I'm now starting to get a little excited by Christmas purely because I love Christmas trees so so so so much, and okay this is so sad I know but Ive started listening to Christmas music :S eek... but I can explain why .. really... erm...okay :P
well Ive had depression for a while undiagnosed and just after last Christmas I was diagnosed so last Christmas I was suicidal and really not with it, so it wasn't exactly the merriest of Christmases for any of us although I tryed to hide it those who know me well knew I wasn't happy. Now I'm getting there I'm practically back to "normal":P and I only have another 6 months of medi left to go(fingers crossed) which feels so good and I'm not seeing my specialists as often so obviously they agree!
So well now I just can't wait to make this Christmas count!
We are going to spend the early morning at home and do stockings and all the usual Christmas morning stuff, then we (Me and Rowan) are driving up to his Mums for Christmas lunch and to spend a few days and then its back home !!! Which will be nice, to see everyone and then come home and smell my real Christmas tree!!!! yay! And hopefully catch up with my family (Mum, little siblings, aunt, uncle...etc) So yeah I'm truly excited and so looking forward to it. Ive also brought all my presents :O so I suppose I can enjoy it more as the stress is not there at all! I'm so proud of myself this is the first year I haven't ended up getting presents on Christmas eve and ending up in debt!
Anyway That about sums it up! I'm not sure what "it" is but hey :S its summed up...
Missing and loving you still!

Wow, well this is a surprise to me.

I actually have come back to the blog! and am currently writing a second post! and its not like 4 months later! wow!

Anyway enough about that.

I feel terrible I really do this is the worst lot of tonsillitis I have had. I just want it to go the hell away to be perfectly honest but that doesn't look like that's likely to be happening any time soon so I suppose ill just have to grin and bare it!

All I can say really is thank God for family guy ! I'm so pleased I have that to take my mind off everything and cheer me up! it really is the greatest thing ever ever ever at this point in time!

Also thank God for good books! I just finished "the rotters club" by Johnathan Coe and I really truly loved it, it was a brilliant book and I'm really pleased I bothered with it now.

Ive have just stated "captain corelli's mandolin" fingers crossed it doesn't make me cry as much as the film did! captain corelli's mandolin was the first film ,bar Dumbo to make me cry :S ha ha ha

Anyway I have zero energy left to write anymore to this blog.

(By the way that terrible picture at the top^^ is me :P ha ha ha enjoy!)

And one more thing here is my flickr address just in case you felt the incredible urge to take a peek :P

http://www.flickr.com/photos/megzpics/

I think that's right.

But let me know if it doesn't work or what-have-you and ill sort it out!

First post

Mmmkay, well blah blah blah.

So what if this is my 3rd attempted at a blog !!! :P you know what they say!

Third time lucky and all that shizzam! so fingers crossed and all that!

Okay well to be honest there isn't much I can say in this post other than there is a high chance I have tonsillitis again :'( ! so I'm sorry poor Internet! the next few posts are either liable to be really boring or non existent! we will just have to wait and see! My hopes that someone out there my actually read or comment here are dashed as so far I have had little reason to feel otherwise.... so this time I will tell family and friends lol and see if that helps ... oops! see were I have been going wrong! anyway I better go ...erm okay judge me all you want but I'm going to watch "torchwood"!!! and that is that :P